“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” — Matthew 19:3-12
Instructions:
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This week, we’ve been thinking about issues of conflict resolution, and so far, we have covered the situation when one person has committed a sin against another person and how to deal with that biblically. On Sunday, we also talked about the importance of forgiveness and how it is especially important when the conflict is not a result of sin, when the other person is unwilling to change, or when “resolution” and/or “reconciliation” is for whatever reason impossible.
Nowhere is the issue of conflict and conflict resolution more apparent in our society than in the prevalence of divorce and the scarcity of marriage.
It might surprise you to know that in Jesus’ day, divorce and remarriage were considered a reasonable part of every life. Many religious teachers taught specifically that a husband had the right to divorce his wife for just about any reason including a failure to make a good dinner. The idea of marriage being a lifelong commitment wasn’t the prevailing one.
However, when he had a chance to speak about it, Jesus clearly indicated that the culture’s understanding of marriage and divorce wasn’t God’s. In fact, Jesus declares clearly that all divorces involve adultery!
Everyone already understood that “marital unfaithfulness” (the Greek term refers to all kinds of sexual misconduct) was a violation of the marriage bond and could be considered adultery, but Jesus adds that divorcing one person and marrying another is also to be considered adultery. His rationale is that marriage, instituted in the Garden of Eden as the one flesh union of a man and a woman, is something ratified by God wherever it is found, and men don’t have the right to undo something God has done.
In other words, it seems as if Jesus is saying that God doesn’t recognize divorce at all. If a man divorces a woman and marries another, it is adultery because the man is in some sense still married to the first woman. The first woman is the one with whom he was joined in a “one flesh” bond that never gets broken.
It might be societally acceptable. It is certainly forgivable by the blood of Jesus. But it nevertheless is a sinful violation of the institution of marriage.
So what are the options for a believer in an unhealthy marriage? Here’s a quick runthrough of the Bible’s teaching on the matter.
- Heal the marriage. Biblical imperatives abound about how men and women should behave in marriage, and if we live them out, the promise of God is that our marriages can be healed.
- If one’s spouse is an unbeliever and wants to sever the marriage, the believer is no longer obligated to that marriage. This comes from 1 Corinthians 7, and I believe, applies to many cases of physical abuse.
- If one’s spouse violates the marriage covenant through sexual misconduct, the other is no longer obligated to that marriage, but may choose to stay for reconciliation and the healing of the marriage.
- If one is “divorced” for any other reason, he or she must treat it as only a separation and must remain celibate until the other person dies, violates the marriage through sexual misconduct, or returns for reconciliation.
In light of this teaching, the disciples conclude that it’s better to not get married in the first place. Whatever they were thinking at the time, their conclusion is the standard practice of our world today. People think that because divorce is so bad, they will simply live their promiscuous lives before getting married. People today intentionally avoid marriage and choose instead to live together. The disciples say basically the same thing. “Maybe marriage isn’t the smart choice.”
However, as is common for Jesus, he takes their comment and turns it around by saying, “You guys are right, men are castrated for many reasons…”
Sometimes, Jesus makes me laugh.
Here’s the bottom line: Sexuality is designed for the marriage union between a man and a woman, and once it has begun, they two are united as one flesh. Any time the flesh unites without the bond of marriage, it is adultery, and without adultery (or death), the bond of marriage cannot be broken.
BIG IDEA FOR THE DAY: If you are married, stay faithful. If you are not married, stay pure and purely devoted to God. If you haven’t been pure, receive God’s forgiveness and start now.
